This memorial website was created with love in memory of our son, Hayden Lloyd Scott, who was born March 5, 2008, and passed away June 5, 2008.  He will be in our hearts forever.

"I know that you are our lucky little child, to be picked for a sunbeam for God."

    If you visit, please take the time to light a candle for our sweet Hayden.  Thank you!

I guess I'm late in announcing that Hayden is a big brother!  We welcomed our newest addition, Hadlie Mae, on December 19, 2009.  She is such a blessing!

My THREE Beautiful Children!

Hadlie & Mommy 

We would like to annouce our THIRD ANNUAL Hayden's Walk... a 5K Race for SIDS Research.  It will be held June 18th, 2011 at Red Hill State Park, north of Hwy 50, in Sumner, IL.  For more information or to register, contact Kate Scott, 618-936-2634.

      Josh and I were married on August 6, 2005, when Hallie Lynn was 6 months old. Yes, we did things a little backwards. After I finished school and had a job (well, three jobs to be exact!) we started talking about expanding our family and giving Hallie a little brother or little sister.

     On July 10, 2007, I took a home pregnancy test and discovered I was pregnant!!! The three of us were so excited, and we did not waste time and starting telling our friends and family.

     I am an x-ray technologist, so I have unlimited access to ultrasound machines! When I was about thirteen weeks, I couldn’t wait any longer and decided to take a peek. BOY OH BOY! Literally! My friend and ultrasound tech, Nikki, told me that it looked like a boy, but it was still pretty early in my pregnancy. Josh was so excited! And Hallie couldn’t wait for her baby brother!

     While I was pregnant, Hallie had so much fun singing to Baby Hayden in her mommy’s belly. Hallie made it a point to tell everyone that his name was “Baby Hayden.”

     After I hit the half way point of my pregnancy, it seemed to last forever. Back pain, morning sickness, the list goes on and on. Boy did I think it was the end of the world. March 17th didn’t seem like it could come soon enough.

    Not too long after Hallie was born, Josh and I decided that if we ever had a son, his name would be Hayden. After I found out I was having a boy, we tried to agree on his middle name. I chose Bennett (Josh’s middle name and his mother’s maiden name). Josh couldn’t disagree more. Then it hit me at once. Hayden’s middle name would be Lloyd, after Josh’s grandfather. Josh loved it. Hallie’s middle name, Lynn, came from my mother. It was perfect.

    The last month of my pregnancy, I talked my doctor into inducing me. I felt so miserable! After my 37 week appointment, we all agreed that March 5th, 2008 would be the big day! We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am. By mid morning I was feeling hard contractions, so I decided to get my epidural. Around 2:00 pm I could tell Baby Hayden was getting ready to his grand debut into the big world. I only pushed for six minutes (compared to one hour and forty-five minutes with Hallie!), and Hayden Lloyd Scott was born at 2:57 pm! Hayden weighed eight pounds, four ounces, and was twenty inches long. He was perfect.

    The next few days, weeks, and months flew by so quickly. All of our family and friends came to visit. Everyone drooled over Hayden, especially Hallie. After a quick bout with colic, Hayden was such a good baby. He ate like no baby I had ever seen before, and he pooped like it too. He even started sleeping through the night when he was two months old. He was PERFECT in every way. We loved his blue eyes, adorable smile, and of course his cubby monkey cheeks. He was getting so big so quickly. We hardly had time to blink.

    On Thursday, June 5, 2008, Hayden Lloyd was three months old. The day started out like any other normal day. This particular day I had to work, so I awoke at 5:00 to take a shower. Josh was in the corn field planting, so he was on his way out the door.

    Hayden had slept through the night, so he awoke shortly after I finished doing my hair and makeup ready to eat. I fixed his bottle and fed him. He ate all 7 ounces. What a big boy! Never did I dream it would be the last time I got to hold him in my arms.
After he was changed, fed, and dressed, I woke his big sister Hallie to get her dressed and ready to go. After a few minutes, we were on our way out the door.

    Once we arrived at Stephie’s house, I rushed in with the kids, gave them both kisses, told them I loved them and would pick them up in the afternoon. Then off to work I went.  

     I received a call around 9:30 that morning that Hayden wasn't breathing.  Of course I was frantic, and we ran out the door and off we went.  It seemed like an eternity to Steph's house, and by the time we got there, the ambulance had already taken him to the hospital. 

    We pulled into the parking lot, and the ambulance had just arrived. I went inside, and had to wait in a separate room until they were able to get Hayden inside and hooked up to the machines to continue CPR. Then again, it seemed like these ten minutes were an eternity. All I wanted to do was to be with my baby, and I didn’t want anyone to stop me.

    At last I was able to go into the room with him. My poor baby was lying on the bed, and he looked so small compared to the size of the bed. His skin was so pale; he was so helpless. I stood and cried, and prayed so hard. I have never prayed to God so deeply before. I thought, “Please Lord. Please. Don’t do this to me. Please just save my baby.” I kept thinking this and saying this over and over again. Josh finally got to the hospital, then my mother in law, and my mom and dad. So many people came. I’m sure there were people in the waiting room that I still do not know were even at the hospital.

    The next half an hour was a blur. The doctor and nurses continued CPR, but nothing was working. Finally the doctor told us that after twenty minutes of not receiving any oxygen to the brain, there would be brain damage. Since it had been much longer than this, we decided to stop CPR. All I wanted to do was scream, and ask God, WHY??? WHY ME??? After this, I just held my baby in my arms. I didn’t want to leave, because I knew I couldn’t take him with me when I left.

     After a while Josh got tired of waiting, and he left to go home. I was so upset and worried because I did not know what he would do. After holding him, laying with him on the hospital bed, talking, and singing to him, I decided it was time. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My greatest fear, losing a child, was now a reality. 

    There were still a lot of family and friends at the hospital, and that was the last thing I wanted. I knew they were are going to tell me something different and that I needed to do this or do that. All I did was get in my car and drive straight to Stephie’s. I had not seen her or talked to her yet, and I knew she would be a mess. She loved and treated Hallie and Hayden like they were her own. I knew exactly what I would find when I got to her house. I was right. It was hard and easy all at the same time. It was hard to go in her house because I knew Hayden’s carseat and diaper bag were still there. It was also the place where he earned his Angel wings. But it was also so easy, because I knew that nothing had or would change between Steph and I. She had been keeping my kids for almost two years, and in those two years we had become like family. Hayden’s passing away just solidified this even more. Nothing changed; we just grew closer.

     After I left Steph’s house, I went to Aunt Marsha’s house to pick up Hallie. She knew something happened to her brother, but was not sure exactly what. I picked her up and took her home like nothing had happened. But the first thing she asked when we walked inside was, “Mommy, where’s Hayden?” Josh and I felt it was important that we told her the truth. So we did. We told her that bubby was in heaven living with Jesus. He wouldn’t be back to live with us anymore. He was safe there. He would never feel pain, hurt, and he would always be there to watch over us. We now had the best Guardian Angel anyone could ask for. Of course she cried. She cried a lot; all she could say was that she wanted Hayden back. But she knew that Hayden was in Heaven with God.

                               * * * * * * * *

    The next 72 hours were a whirlwind of anger, thoughts, tears, and planning. I could not believe how well I composed myself. No one could. I knew what had to be done, and the Lord gave me strength I never thought possible. At 22 years old, I now had the job to plan the memorial service of my three month old son. It had to be perfect, because he deserved nothing less. As the flowers, food, visitors, and phone calls came, I ignored most all of it. There was so much to do, and so little time.
    We knew immediately that Hayden would be buried in Ridgley Cemetery, by Josh’s grandfather. Friday morning we made a trip to the funeral home in Mt. Carmel to begin making the arrangements. I was also able to see Hayden again. He looked so different.

    After we left the funeral home, we went straight to the Church Office in Sumner to begin planning Hayden’s memorial service. Once again, I knew exactly what I wanted. How? I am not sure. I just knew it had to be perfect.  I knew the songs, scripture readings, and other things.  We put it together, piece by piece. 

    My words on paper can not describe how packed the days were leading up to Hayden’s service. I did not have time to eat, think or barely sleep.  

    After the visitation, memorial service, and burial, Hayden's passing did become more of a reality.  In the days to follow, a lot of times I did not want to get out of bed in the morning.  But I had to.  I had a beautiful 3 year old daughter to take care of.  And I thank the Lord for her every day.  I could not have made it through this with out her.

Excerpts from The Day He Left Me, A Mother’s Story of Life, Love, and Hope, And The Battle of SIDS. By Kate Scott. Dedicated in loving memory
to my precious son, Hayden Lloyd Scott.
March 5, 2008 – June 5, 2008.

And to all parents or child caregivers
who have lost a child:
THERE IS HOPE.

* * * * * * * *

     Here it is, almost five months later.  I can not believe it has been this long.  Some may thing I'm crazy for writing all of this, but it is so extremely healing for me.  One thing is for sure.  Hayden's death has taught me many things about life.  As long as I'm living a life pleasing to Christ, I shouldn't care about what others think of me.  I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband, healthy daughter, and parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, on both sides of our family.  I AM SO LUCKY.  I count each day as a blessing from God our Father.  Life is precious.  We can't take it for granted.

     I have always, always, always considered myself a Christian.  I was raised in a Christian house, by Christian parents, and I went to Church every Sunday unless I was ill.  Hayden's death has brought me so much more closer to God.  A closeness that I never could have imagined, and I hate that this is the way that I had to find it.  I want to do everything in my power to make sure that when the time comes, I'm at Heaven's Gates to see my baby again.  Don't you?

SIDS facts ...

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

-SIDS claims the lives of almost 2,500 infants in the US each year-­ that is nearly 7 babies every day.

-SIDS is not caused by "baby shots."

-SIDS deaths occur unexpectedly and quickly to apparently healthy infants, usually during periods of sleep.

-SIDS is not caused by suffocation, choking, or smothering.

-SIDS is not caused by child abuse or neglect.

-SIDS is not contagious.

-SIDS occurs in families of all races and socioeconomic levels.

-SIDS cannot be predicted or prevented and can claim any baby, in spite of parents doing everything right.

Hayden's Baptism and Mother's Day 2008

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List
by Compassionate Friends

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.

I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears.

You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me.

I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too.

I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.

I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover.

I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy".

Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal.

Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT...I pray daily that you will never understand.

Hayden's Links

         Spring for SIDS          http://www.springforsids.org/

The Compassionate Friends http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

Time has proven that in caring and sharing comes healing. We welcome you to The Compassionate Friends—“Supporting Family After a Child Dies.”

First Candle - Working to Stop SIDS and Stillbirth http://www.firstcandle.org/

American SIDS Institute  http://www.sids.org/index.htm

Magnet America http://www.magnetamerica.com/sids.html

Magnet America is happy to partner with First Candle/SIDS Alliance. A percentage of purchases made on these items will be donated to them to help babies survive and thrive.
First Candle/SIDS Alliance is a national, nonprofit, health organization dedicated to promoting infant health and survival during the prenatal period through age two with programs of advocacy, education and research: while at the same time providing compassionate grief support to those affected by the death of a baby.

                SIDS of Illinois                 http://www.sidsillinois.org

Family Chain

We little knew that morning,

God was going to call your name,

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone,

For part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories,

Your love is still our guide,

And though we cannot see you,

You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same,

But as God calls us one by one,

The chain will link again.